You might be a Bostonian if....
If you're from Boston:
1. You'll know who the cahdnal is, how to take the T to JP and what the blinking red light atop the old Hancock Building means in the summer.
2. And if you're smaht, you'll know how not to get cahded at the packie.
When we say / We mean....
bzah = odd
flahwiz = roses, etc.
hahpahst = 30 minutes after the hour
Hahwahya? = How are you?
khakis = what we staht the cah with
pissa = superb
retahded = silly
shuah = of course
wikkid = extremely
yiz = you, plural
How we'll know you weren't bon heah:
You wear a Harvard sweatshirt.
You cross at a crosswalk.
You ask directions to "Cheers."
You order a grinder and a soda.
You follow soccer.
You eat at Durgin Park.
You pronounce it "Worchester."
You walk the Freedom Trail.
You call it "Copely" Square.
You go to BU.
Boston is a mishmosh of 17th-century cow paths and 19th-century landfill penned in by water. You know, "One if by land, two if by sea." Charlestown? Cahn't get theyah from heah. And which Warren Street do you want? We have three plus three Warren Avenues, three Warren Squares, a Warren Park, and a Warren Place. Pay no attention to the street names. There's no school on School Street, no court on Court street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water Street. Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda. Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D. If the streets are named after trees (Walnut,Chestnut,Cedar,)you're on Beacon Hill. If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley. Dot is Dorchester, Rozzie is Roslindale, JP is Jamaica Plain. Readville doesn't exist.
The North-East-South-West thing:
Southie is South Boston. The South End is the South End. The North End is east of the West End. The West End is no more. A guy named Rappaport got rid of it one night. Eastie is East Boston. The East End is Boston Harbor.
About our "cuisine:"
Boston cream pie is a cake.
Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don't.
Chowdah does not come with tomatoes.
Soda is club soda. Pop is Dad. If it's fizzy and flavored, it's tonic.
When we mean tonic water, we say tonic water.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
If you paid more than $6 a pound,you got scrod.
It ain't a water fountain, it's a bubblah.
Brown bread comes in a can. You open both ends, push it out, heat it and eat it with baked beans.
They're hot dogs. Franks were people who lived in France in the ninth century.
Things not to do:
Don't call it Beantown.
Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They'll tow it to Meffa (or Slumaville).
Don't swim in the Charles, no matter what Bill Weld tells you.
Don't sleep in the Common.
Don't wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.( you may be killed)
Don't call the mayah "Mumbles." He hates that.
Don't ask what she's majoring in. You don't care.
Things you should know:
There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two Hancock buildings.
There's also a Boston Latin School and a Boston Latin Academy. How should we know which one you mean?
Route 128 is also I-95. It is also I-93.
It's the Sox, the Pats (or Patsies), the Seltz, the Broons.
The Harvard Bridge goes to MIT. It's measured in 'smoots.'
Johnson never should have hit for Willoughby.
The subway doesn't run all night. This isn't Noo Yawk.
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